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FIBRO GIRL! Tales from the Disabled Roller Derby Queen: Off Skates Sucks or My Parents are SUPREME!!

FIBRO GIRL! Tales from the Disabled Roller Derby Queen: Off Skates Sucks or My Parents are SUPREME!!: "Now that I know that my skates are all kaddiwompus I have been off wheels for 83 hours and counting. I am going crazy not to mention I HUR..."

Off Skates Sucks or My Parents are SUPREME!!

Now that I know that my skates are all kaddiwompus I have been off wheels for 83 hours and counting. I am going crazy not to mention I HURT! The thing about skating, or whatever kind of exercising you feel comfortable with, is that it helps release those happy chemicals so I don't hurt as much. However on an off day I get pretty dang sore, mostly in my legs. But with 3 going on 4 days now I want to tear my limbs off. I have had to take Vicodin which I usually try to avoid and I am smoking twice as much. YUCK! All this doesn't help my mood so I am sure my family is feeling the pain too.

There are 2 ways to solve this problem.

A: Remount the plates. This would be the cheaper option however it is possible the boots may be stretched and damaged from wearing them wrong so much and still cause me problems. I have already completely worn my insoles out.

B: Get new skates. This is great but you have to be able to shell out a few hundred bucks.

I am able to go for option B because my super awesome parents have offered to pay for them. My family is not exactly rolling in dough so this is an extremely grand gesture. My Mom said it is just something I have to have. A medical expense for how much it helps my Fibromyalgia not to mention keeps me sane. WOW!! I know they won't make me pay them back but I want to anyway, even if it is just buying the groceries for the next 6 months.

It is going to be a while before I get to slip on my new skates. I have to order them online so I will still have to wait a few weeks before I can skate again. I am considering skating a little or I might just lose it all together but I don't to hurt myself. Choices choices.

Sincerely,
The Incredible FALK!!!!

Almost Perfect but Not Quite

*************Disclaimer: All activities done under doctor supervision*************

Yesterday I had an almost perfect practice! We decided to take the bike path from Phoenix to Medford, my home ground. I skate the bike path more than anyone and I have more stamina for distance skating since I do it almost every day. There aren't may times I get to feel like a pro so I am pumped. As we begin I hang out near the back so I can give some pointers to my teammates who are always helping me out on the track.

There is a nice breeze and I have the energy to last me 20 miles if it weren't for the fact that my feet have begun to ache and sting do to my poor skates. At our destination point we run a drill from our last practice where I had needed to drop out twice and by golly I make it through without a single water break. My water bottle opened in my backpack and water is streaming down my back and legs which sends a rush of cool refreshment as the breeze passes through the pack. But each stride burns like walking across hot coals.

As we return home I actually lead my own drill but alas I am unable to finish it. The pain from my feet is overwhelming and I let the group leave sight while I slide off my skates and hobble towards home. I don't have to go far before I find my team waiting to slowly escort me home and then take me for shave ice after. What an incredible team. I love ya!

Sincerely,
The Incredible FALK!

Up Hill All the Way Baby! Start the Count Down

Coming off of yesterday's practice I was a little bummed but eager to try again today. I waited till the evening when it cooled down and decided I would skate the 3mi home from dance rehearsal. The shortness in distance is misleading as to its difficulty. I would choose the 15mi bike path over this up hill, multi-surface, broken concrete rout home everyday of the week and twice on Sundays.

Today, however, I was filled with energy and determination. I wanted to prove to myself that I was a capable skater and a complete person because, you see, when you can't do what seems to come to everyone else with ease it feels like there is something broken about you. So I began on the short but treacherous journey home.

YEE HAW I DID IT!

Now that I know I can skate long distances and I can tame the uphill beast I begin the count down to my Summer goal. By September 1st I want to skate from Ashland to Medford and back with a 45min break. I'm not trying to kill myself. That's a full 32 miles. Start the clock!

The Incredible FALK!

When is it time to stop pushing it?

I am a big fan of the little engine that could. Dori really had it down "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.." I probably look like a crazy person going down the path talking to myself. I have a few key phrases that I stick with:

Push it girl! Push it!
You got it!
Superstar!
Hard Core!
and when my body gets in my way of what I want to do I often tell it to F#@$ OFF!

I can usually tell how good of a skate session I'm having by the number of times I say this. Today I said this 5 times. It has been a very busy day for me and by the time our team meeting was over my ears were leaking brain cells. I had to fight the voice in my head saying "maybe you should take a break today." I silenced it with a swift "F%^$ OFF!" We began practice with the 25 in 5. That's 25 laps in 5 minutes. I completed all 25 with one quick water break and felt super righteous until they announced 20 more in the other direction. My whole body filled with lead telling me not to move and I snapped back quickly F*&# OFF! By the time practice was over and I had sworn at myself 3 more times and I felt more defeated than righteous.

When is it time to stop pushing it?

I am consistently paranoid that if I say "I'm taking a break today" I will be seen as a slacker who likes to make excuses. Unfortunately there are people like this. While I feel bad about it, I generally hold a loathing for those people because i believe they make my life harder. What I fear isn't seen is how much I wish I could do what everyone else can do. I try to complete each drill with only one break for water or to catch my breath but, damn this body, sometimes I just can't do it! On these days I ask myself "should I just pack it in and skate on my own? Is that what everyone else wants me to do? How can I possible prove myself?"

After giving up on our last drill I decided to put my skates on and jump in at the end. One girl gave me a high five and it made me smile. So today I will tell myself to "Push it girl! Push it!" and try again next practice.

Sincerely,
The Incredible FALK!

To Tell or Not to Tell "It's all in your head" or JSR is DA BOMB

I have a double handicap. Along with the pain of Fibromyalgia I also live with the beauty of being Bipolar. Both of these disorders are what I call "Phantom Illnesses." There are no tests or procedures that can definitively prove that one has either. Anyone who is afflicted by Fibromyalgia will tell you what a struggle it is to make people understand how destructive it is. If I were to say I had Diabetes I bet I wouldn't hear"that just doesn't make sense," "you just need to eat better" or "it's all in your head." If I were having trouble going off medication for Cancer i don't think you would respond "that's what happens when your brain goes off an addiction," "you just need exercise" or my personal Roller Derby fav "why don't you just play tennis?" It will never cease to amaze me how a person can have so much compassion for someone with one kind of ailment can turn around and be so cruel to another.

From the moment I put on my skates I knew I was gonna take more time than most people. I get tired faster and feel more pain then most but I am determined to be great. What is so flippin' threatening about that? On my first team I was actually asked to leave because "my request for special treatment" was a "detriment to the league"

If I asked to leave the floor for an insulin shot it wouldn't be considered special treatment.

I have always been honest with people about the obstacles I face. I have always hoped to educate my community about Fibromyalgia. At least 2 times in my life my honesty has been used against me. As if taking more water breaks during practice or sitting down during a music rehearsal were a character flaw. It sounds awful but I used to pray I had Cancer or Arthritis so I wouldn't have to be on the defensive all the time.

But the Jefferson State Rollers proved me wrong. I was terrified that I would be shoved out for my "request for special treatment." Not here. I have received praise and support from my JSR girls and in a moment of fear one girl told me "Everyone participates in one way or another on the floor and off." So do you tell or don't you. Whatever makes you comfortable but I now understand that the people worth knowing are the ones who trust you when you say it hurts.

Sincerely,
The Incredible Falk